As I write this I am staring at a big stack of papers that include things like FBI clearance forms, CPR certifications, pages of information on our beliefs, backgrounds, jobs, financial info.....this has been our first trimester. (We are waiting on the arrival of one last form and we wil lbe submitting it all THIS WEEK!)
No one asked our deepest darkest secrets when we got pregnant with Liam....no one made sure we could perform infant CPR in case of emergencies....no one double and triple checked our references and asked if we would be suitable parents.....no one verified tha we had a support system and a safe home....
As we worked through piles of adoption paperwork for the last 3 months, I occasionally felt a sense of "is all this really necessary? We didnt do this with Liam..." Then I realized, we SHOULD have done this with Liam. Our children are special and precious- both of them- and while we did our very best to be prepared for Liam, and with this baby we are scrutinized more officially, it is good and safe to be sure we are ready for this baby....or ANY baby. I'm so thankful that our agency is thorough with this process- for the sake of the children and the parents (adoptive and birth parents).
In the last 3 months, there has also been excitement, joy, eager expectation, and wondering about our new baby....will it be a boy or a girl? What will he or she look like?
These were all things I wondered about and found excitement in when I was pregnant with Liam. With Liam we had occasional OB visits and ultrasound pictures to enjoy....with this baby I have to close my eyes and just imagine the baby I have pictured in my heart.
Liam has given up his room and moved on to a new "big boy" room...and as the baby's room comes together with a slightly new look, I'm more and more excited to eventually have a new baby in it! I go in the room sometimes and just look at the few "gender neutral" onesies hanging in the closet.....will they be big enough? too small?
A lot of things are the same....friends and family sharing in our joy, starting the dreadfully difficult process of agreeing on baby names (Liam has chosen the names "Dora the Explorer" and "Liam Jr."), getting the room ready....
And a lot of things are different....no morning sickness (hallelujah!)....feeling more mentally prepared in general in the absence of difficult pregnancy related symptoms.....having no idea about a "due date".....no chances to share ultrasound pics or know that our baby is "the size of a kumquat this week".....
I am labelling the completion of our home study paperwork the "end of our first trimester" and as I look back on this process so far, I'm just overwhelmingly thankful for the blessings God has given us in that time. I'm thankful to God for His great plan for us. I'm thankful for my husband who allowed God to open his heart up to this baby. I'm thankful for the family and friends- and folks we barely know- who have shared in our joy and encouraged us.
And I am thankful for the birthmom who will choose life for our baby.
I can't wait to meet you, baby Metz.....soon...soon....
Mommy loves you!
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