This year Liam helped me hang up our stockings, and as we put our 3 stockings on the fireplace, we must have been feeling the same sudden twinge of sadness (like mother, like son?). As I hung them I wondered when we would be hanging a 4th stocking from the fire place. Should I have gotten one for our baby to be? There are exactly 4 hooks for hanging stockings on the fireplace after all...
I didnt dwell long on the thoughts and had already turned to find another decoration to hang when I realized Liam was still staring at the 3 stockings....
"Mommy, why do we only have three stockings? What about our baby? Our baby needs a stocking!"
I stopped and took a deep breath to keep the now increasingly sad "twinge" from bringing tears.
I thanked him for being sweet and remembering "his baby," and then I explained that we are going to wait until our baby comes before we get a stocking for him/her. He seemed satisfied and went on the play happily with his cars.
This was a wonderful Christmas full of family time, fun, and celebration of our Lord Jesus, but throughout the whole time of celebration, I couldn't seem to shake that little sad twinge in my heart.
Will we have 4 stockings next Christmas?
Was this our last Christmas as a family of three?
Is our baby's birthmother pregnant right now?
Is she trying to enjoy Christmas, but worrying about what to do?
Is she with family this Christmas?
I try not to dwell on any of these wonderings for very long. We have no news of our baby yet, so there are no answers to any of my questions yet.
But I feel like something...someONE...was missing this Christmas. It felt like we should have 4 stockings, because in my heart, we are a family of 4......just missing one right now.
Liam is eager too....despite being resolved to only having 3 stockings for now, he insisted that "his baby" needed a Christmas present- just in case they came in time. He picked out a blue baby maraca and we wrapped it. He wants to keep it wrapped until he/she comes. What a sweet boy!
Dave is patient...I know he looks forward to our baby coming home, and he is good at waiting (or at least he looks like he is "good at waiting."). I'm so grateful that he will just give me a hug when he finds me standing in the baby's room...he is a rock in our family. :) He helps us be patient.
so,
Dear Baby, (wherever you are).....we hope you are growing and healthy inside your mom right now. I pray for you daily and we are all eager to meet you, see your face, and snuggle you up. We can't wait to sing to you and rock you and kiss you and show you how loved you are......and buy you the 4th stocking to hang on our fireplace for your very first Christmas at home. I know your big brother will help you hang it up. Merry Christmas baby- we love you and we miss you.
Love,
your Mommy
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